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In today’s dating world, it feels like you need a glossary before you’ve even said hello. From ghosting to breadcrumbing, the ever-growing dictionary of dating terms is almost as complicated as finding love itself.
And now, there’s a new word to add to the library: Shrekking. It might sound cute, even nostalgic, but according to Gen Z, this trend comes with a twist of regret. More specifically: lower standards, higher regrets. And while it may be wrapped in humour, at its core, it’s a pretty toxic way of thinking.
So, what exactly is Shrekking?
The term takes inspiration from the unlikely romance between ogre Shrek and Princess Fiona in the beloved animated franchise.
But online, it’s evolved into a dating trend where people deliberately "date down" – choosing partners they believe are less conventionally attractive or desirable, in hopes of finding something more real. And yes, it’s gaining traction fast.
As one TikToker brutally put it: "We’ve all been there: We give the guy we're not attracted to a chance, thinking that he will for sure know what he has and treat us well. And then we get traumatised by a whole troll.”
@thisiswhyimsingle2024 Getting shreked. I’m here for it 🤣 #shreked #onlinedating #datingsucks
In a conversation with USA Today, Amy Chan, a dating coach and the author of Breakup Bootcamp: The Science of Rewiring Your Heart, suggested: "The term might be new, but the behaviour isn’t.
"Plenty of people have put looks lower on the list or hoped attraction would grow over time, and that in itself isn’t a bad thing. Where it backfires is when someone assumes that just because they’re dating ‘down’ in looks, they’ll automatically be treated better."
It’s a harsh reality – and one that raises a bigger issue.
The idea of a "dating hierarchy" based on looks, status, or perceived value shouldn’t exist in the first place.
Reducing people to assets or aesthetics not only fuels toxic dating dynamics but also misses the point entirely: someone’s character isn’t guaranteed to shine just because they fall outside conventional standards.
Good or bad, respectful or not – how someone treats you isn’t determined by where they rank on some imaginary scale.
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